Over the last year or two, the question of mobility vs. stability has taken rise within the therapy world. Many argue that mobility must come first while others claim that if stability is not first established, mobility will lead to injury. While its fun to debate and talk about these complex theories of healing one's body, the truth is is that there is no one correct answer. Not only is everyone's body different, but every joint within one's own body is different! There are something like 640 muscles in the body, 206 bones, and 200-400 joints! Do we really think there is one answer that is right all the time in the mobility vs. stability debate!?!
I contemplated all this during my morning yoga practice today. I realized that the question, at least for me, does not come down to mobility vs. stability, but comes down to alignment and tissue integrity. The moment you align a joint, or a series of joints in a yoga pose, you have moved into physical and (and probably) psychological integrity. From this place, the magic can happen. Your body will tell you where its safe to lengthen the tissue or where its not safe and you need to stabilize. All this comes from being in proper alignment.
Proper alignment is what heals the body. It is our teacher. When we practice yoga, it is very easy to not be in integrity; to push past our limits, over stretch, and try to look good. This is our ego talking and in the words of B.K.S. Iyengar, it is a breach of the first Yama, Ahimsa, or Non-Violence.
So the question for me here is not mobility vs. stability, but one of integrity and non-violence. Can we contact our bodies when we are in pain and allow them to move? And not just move, but take them to their limits while being honest with our capabilities, and not causing ourselves harm? If we can do this, we can heal. And if not, we are often just perpetuating our old patterns.
To me, that is the real question. And its answer has potential to reach far greater planes than just our physical bodies.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Pain: Nuisance or Teacher?
Over the last year, I've had the opportunity to deal with and face a great deal of pain. When I tore my ACL, the physical agony I experienced was unlike any other I had ever had. And then after surgery, the recovery was no joke. My range of motion was drastically limited, the stability I had in my knee was minimal and I was faced with having to take care of my body in a way I never have before. It was a tremendous challenge (still is, actually), and has brought me great insight.
The first thing most people do when they experience pain is avoid it. It hurts, we don't fully understand it, and we stay as far away as possible. I completely understand this. We are afraid of making it worse, of aggravating it. We think that by staying away from it, by not "aggravating" it, it will soon go away. Sometimes that works. Often it doesn't.
When pain arises, it is telling us something. Not necessarily something esoteric, but something concrete, substantial and worth our attention. It is telling us there is something wrong, something out of whack, and begging us to understand it and make a correction. Pain is here to guide us, and our way through pain is not around, but in.
Going into pain is much different than pushing through pain. That must be clear. When we go into pain with mindfulness and awareness, the body speaks to us. We are able to learn, to see the dysfunction and make the subtle manipulations the body is asking for.
When we unconsciously push through pain, we are causing our bodies more trauma and exacerbating the situation. This is not healing and not recommended. The two different approaches, mindfulness vs. unawareness, are very closely related and produce very different results.
My suggestion is two fold: If you have the skill, subtly go into your pain. Don't push it. See where "good" pain becomes "bad" pain. Stop before it becomes bad pain and listen to what motions your body is asking you to do. Tiny little corrections can go a long way.
If you don't feel comfortable doing that, go see someone who does. Get assessed. Get specific exercises. Do them. Take care of yourself.
Our bodies are our vehicles. We need to treat them well.
As a good friend often says, "as always, its your call."
The first thing most people do when they experience pain is avoid it. It hurts, we don't fully understand it, and we stay as far away as possible. I completely understand this. We are afraid of making it worse, of aggravating it. We think that by staying away from it, by not "aggravating" it, it will soon go away. Sometimes that works. Often it doesn't.
When pain arises, it is telling us something. Not necessarily something esoteric, but something concrete, substantial and worth our attention. It is telling us there is something wrong, something out of whack, and begging us to understand it and make a correction. Pain is here to guide us, and our way through pain is not around, but in.
Going into pain is much different than pushing through pain. That must be clear. When we go into pain with mindfulness and awareness, the body speaks to us. We are able to learn, to see the dysfunction and make the subtle manipulations the body is asking for.
When we unconsciously push through pain, we are causing our bodies more trauma and exacerbating the situation. This is not healing and not recommended. The two different approaches, mindfulness vs. unawareness, are very closely related and produce very different results.
My suggestion is two fold: If you have the skill, subtly go into your pain. Don't push it. See where "good" pain becomes "bad" pain. Stop before it becomes bad pain and listen to what motions your body is asking you to do. Tiny little corrections can go a long way.
If you don't feel comfortable doing that, go see someone who does. Get assessed. Get specific exercises. Do them. Take care of yourself.
Our bodies are our vehicles. We need to treat them well.
As a good friend often says, "as always, its your call."
Monday, April 14, 2014
Impermanence, Doubt and Freedom
If there's one thing that traveling offers to you, its the opportunity to reflect and observe yourself at the deepest level. Without the normal distractions of TV, internet, etc, this "I am with me" environment can be incredibly fruitful. I had a real clear experience of my self, my neurosis, the other day as I traveled from Bali to a little island called Gili T.
Gili T, or Gili Trawangan, is one of three small little islands off the coast of Bali. I avoided Gili T last time I was here because it is deemed as the party island. But after experiencing Gili Air and really loving it, but not loving the surrounding beaches, I decided, two years ago, that the next time I come, I will go to Gili T.
On the two hour boat ride there, I got encompassed in doubt! "Why am I going to Gili T? Its a party island, a lot drunk idiots I won't be able to connect to. I'm going to feel uncomfortable. I should just go to Gili Air!" My mind went on and on. But it also had another voice coming through: "No, Jory, just stick to the plan. You've had this plan in the works for two years!! And what's the big the deal anyway, its only two days! Anyone can endure for two days! And if you really hate it, Gili Air is only a 25 minute boat ride away!"
For the better part of two hours I went back and forth. I was partly enveloped in doubt, but at the same time there was a constant observation going on. I started contemplating impermanence and my very limited understanding of it. If all things are impermanent and constantly changing (which certainly going to an island for two days is) why am I in such a state of distress?
I began to rest. I started to realize my fear of not feeling comfortable and how a part of me thinks it is going to last forever when it arises. And how that lack of understanding of impermanence makes the actual feeling of discomfort (when it arises) so much worse! As I kept piercing through these veils, something in me started to shift. I began to fear less. More ease arose. I realized the ever changing nature of my experience and that in my life I am constantly striving for perfection. That striving for perfection brings about a feeling of always trying to do the right thing, thus also creating the potential to do the wrong thing! This is an erroneous and wrong view and has caused me a lot of suffering!
Gili T, or Gili Trawangan, is one of three small little islands off the coast of Bali. I avoided Gili T last time I was here because it is deemed as the party island. But after experiencing Gili Air and really loving it, but not loving the surrounding beaches, I decided, two years ago, that the next time I come, I will go to Gili T.
On the two hour boat ride there, I got encompassed in doubt! "Why am I going to Gili T? Its a party island, a lot drunk idiots I won't be able to connect to. I'm going to feel uncomfortable. I should just go to Gili Air!" My mind went on and on. But it also had another voice coming through: "No, Jory, just stick to the plan. You've had this plan in the works for two years!! And what's the big the deal anyway, its only two days! Anyone can endure for two days! And if you really hate it, Gili Air is only a 25 minute boat ride away!"
For the better part of two hours I went back and forth. I was partly enveloped in doubt, but at the same time there was a constant observation going on. I started contemplating impermanence and my very limited understanding of it. If all things are impermanent and constantly changing (which certainly going to an island for two days is) why am I in such a state of distress?
I began to rest. I started to realize my fear of not feeling comfortable and how a part of me thinks it is going to last forever when it arises. And how that lack of understanding of impermanence makes the actual feeling of discomfort (when it arises) so much worse! As I kept piercing through these veils, something in me started to shift. I began to fear less. More ease arose. I realized the ever changing nature of my experience and that in my life I am constantly striving for perfection. That striving for perfection brings about a feeling of always trying to do the right thing, thus also creating the potential to do the wrong thing! This is an erroneous and wrong view and has caused me a lot of suffering!
Once I surrendered to the whole experience and brought forth the wisdom of impermanence, I immediately realized the opposite of striving.........observation. Observation brings awareness of the situation, both external and internal. In observation, there is ease, presence, and an ability to access and adjust.....if need be.
Entering
into this new mind space, by the time the boat docked, I was at ease. And
within two minutes of being on shore, I was in love. The vibe felt
relaxed and alive, there were things to do and a lot of beautiful people.
I got a room about 5 minutes away from the main scene and it was quiet.
All my worrying was for naught. It
was totally unnecessary. And even when I
woke up at two am in the morning due to jet lag, I got up, walked to the beach
and joined the party. There was a DJ, 100
people dancing, some fucked up, some not, but it didn’t matter. I danced, I practiced yoga, I felt a real
state of joy. It was truly a surreal and
extraordinary moment.
The Buddha called impermanence (Anicca) one of the three marks of existence. Understanding of Anicca, along with Anatta (non-self) and Dukha (unsatisfactoriness), can bring complete awakening to the practitioner. And clearly the intensive focus on one can bring forth the wisdom of the others.
In this ever changing reality of life, how present and unattached can we be with the ephemeral phenomena?
In this ever changing reality of life, how present and unattached can we be with the ephemeral phenomena?
This is the view from the island I was panicking about going to!
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Perfection, Patience and Practice
There's a great story of a very revered Thai Monk who came to America in the early 80s. Many of his disciples were excited to bring him to the states and made a very big deal about it. One of them, in particular, was a painter and spent about 12 months painting a life sized portrait of him to exhibit in the meditation hall. There was a grand ceremony for its unveiling upon the the monk's arrival. But when finally unveiled, the first word's out of the monk's mouth were not what was expected...they were not words of praise. Instead, his words were, "Wow, perfectionists really suffer!"
Being a perfectionist myself, this story has always rung deep. There is so much effort to make things perfect, to try real hard, and if they don't end up exactly the way I want them to be, I'm unhappy. This applies to projects, relationships, and even mind states.
Over the past couple weeks, I have been learning to surf. I'm not sure if I've ever been so bad at something that I want to succeed in so much! Yesterday, I was paddling out, getting pounded by the break, losing confidence, when I realized......"This must be similar to what stiff people feel when they first start practicing Yoga. Everything is difficult, none of the poses resemble what you 'think' they should like like, and that feeling of failure is so prevalent that after a couple weeks, most people just quit."
I get it now.
But yesterday I kept paddling, got past the break, and after missing wave after wave, I finally caught one. I timed it right. The wave took me and my board, I stood up, proceeded to lose balance almost immediately, and got thrown right off my board, right into the wave. Major wipe out! After being underwater for a good 6-8 seconds, I hopped back on my board, paddled out to the calm water and reflected......
"Yeah, that kind of sucked.................But..............That was WAY better than I did yesterday. I actually felt the wave, caught it, and stood for 2 seconds. OK, not bad, Jory. Now, what's the next step? What can you do better next time? How can you learn from this moment?"
My mood really changed. I felt good about myself and realized that just like any new thing, this is going to take time. Its a trial and error process that takes a lot of effort!
And so when I woke this morning, I applied all this to my yoga practice. I decided to go after a pose named Ashtavakrasana, a pose I have never been able to do very well. At first attempt, I fell and smashed my butt on the ground. "Oh well", I thought, "not today." But then I remembered, "I'm learning something new. Its going to take time." I got out Light on Yoga, read what Guruji says about the pose, did better in my second attempt and by the third time I nailed it.
The moment we try to go for perfection, we lose the ability to see where we are actually at and reflect. Its that reflection that allows us to grow, learn and change. The negative attitude to "failure" we have all been cultured to, forces us into self judgement and impedes our evolution as human beings.
So I ask you, where do you judge yourself where you could be observing and learning instead? Especially in your yoga practice, are there things you are avoiding working on because you "suck"? Take the time today to step into something that is difficult, and adopt the attitude of observing and learning. Tiny millimeters of progress can be exponential if you simply just allow them to be.
Being a perfectionist myself, this story has always rung deep. There is so much effort to make things perfect, to try real hard, and if they don't end up exactly the way I want them to be, I'm unhappy. This applies to projects, relationships, and even mind states.
Over the past couple weeks, I have been learning to surf. I'm not sure if I've ever been so bad at something that I want to succeed in so much! Yesterday, I was paddling out, getting pounded by the break, losing confidence, when I realized......"This must be similar to what stiff people feel when they first start practicing Yoga. Everything is difficult, none of the poses resemble what you 'think' they should like like, and that feeling of failure is so prevalent that after a couple weeks, most people just quit."
I get it now.
But yesterday I kept paddling, got past the break, and after missing wave after wave, I finally caught one. I timed it right. The wave took me and my board, I stood up, proceeded to lose balance almost immediately, and got thrown right off my board, right into the wave. Major wipe out! After being underwater for a good 6-8 seconds, I hopped back on my board, paddled out to the calm water and reflected......
"Yeah, that kind of sucked.................But..............That was WAY better than I did yesterday. I actually felt the wave, caught it, and stood for 2 seconds. OK, not bad, Jory. Now, what's the next step? What can you do better next time? How can you learn from this moment?"
My mood really changed. I felt good about myself and realized that just like any new thing, this is going to take time. Its a trial and error process that takes a lot of effort!
And so when I woke this morning, I applied all this to my yoga practice. I decided to go after a pose named Ashtavakrasana, a pose I have never been able to do very well. At first attempt, I fell and smashed my butt on the ground. "Oh well", I thought, "not today." But then I remembered, "I'm learning something new. Its going to take time." I got out Light on Yoga, read what Guruji says about the pose, did better in my second attempt and by the third time I nailed it.
The moment we try to go for perfection, we lose the ability to see where we are actually at and reflect. Its that reflection that allows us to grow, learn and change. The negative attitude to "failure" we have all been cultured to, forces us into self judgement and impedes our evolution as human beings.
So I ask you, where do you judge yourself where you could be observing and learning instead? Especially in your yoga practice, are there things you are avoiding working on because you "suck"? Take the time today to step into something that is difficult, and adopt the attitude of observing and learning. Tiny millimeters of progress can be exponential if you simply just allow them to be.
BKS IYENGAR IN ASHTAVAKRASANA
my pose kind of resembled this :)
Friday, July 26, 2013
Shit, I Tore My ACL
I thought it was time to say something. This post may still be a little pre-mature, but I've wanted to share. Two weeks ago I was playing ultimate Frisbee and one of my opponents came down on my knee and bent it 90 degrees the wrong way! I collapsed to the ground, yelled a primal rage for a couple minutes, and went to the hospital. I had torn my ACL, lateral and medial meniscus. No minor injury.
The first couple days were spent not falling into a chasm of depression. I was doing what I could to keep my spirits up. I was not able to walk or bend or straighten my knee at all. By day 3 or 4, however, I noticed that even though I was still nowhere near being able to walk, I was able to practice yoga. My yoga teacher has always said, our yoga, our asana's, are here for us....not us for them. This was the perfect example.
I started practicing every day. I was still not able to bend or straighten my knee more that 30 degrees but there was no way I was going to let it just sit like that. I started working on flexion and extension of the knee every chance I could get. It was not long before I was able to take Virabhadrasana I and II (Warrior pose) with my thigh on a chair. Then I was able to take the chair away and work deeply on the stability within the joint of the knee. I started practicing most standing poses with a chair on either side of me for support. I was also able to practice inversions so I was spending as much time as I could upside down and letting the fluid drain from my leg.
For the past week I have been practicing upwards near 3 hours a day. I am watching TV, a lot of Mets games, but I have turned this into a mini retreat. Two days ago I had my first PT appointment and the PT was amazed at my range of motion. She said she had never seen someone so good only two weeks post ACL tear.
The emotions around such a traumatic injury have been whirling at the least. For the first 4 days I felt like such a failure. "I knew I wasn't supposed to play frisbee that day!" "I never should have even put myself into that situation!" "This wasn't supposed to happen to me!" "Its all a dream, right? I will wake up tomorrow with full functionality." Despite how it may sound, I wasn't beating myself up too badly. I was simply acknowledging and giving space to a feeling I was having. Then, during one of my practices, something changed. I was observing the compensation patterns in my body as a result of the injury and realized that the compensations I am experiencing were only exacerbations of a flaw already in my body. I realized that what I am experiencing is a massive magnification of something that has already been going on. And then I realized that maybe this is OK and wasn't as freak of an incident as it appeared to be.
Patanjali said, "Heyam Dukham Anagatam" which means the pains of the future can and should be avoided. Without really knowing it, that is how I had been practicing for some time. I was not successful, but that's ok. There are many other opportunities and so far I have been very successful with the rehab. I have been video taping and taking notes of all my practices and am gaining a much greater understanding of Knee-hab that I will be able to share with people.
Movement is the key to life. It is often what fucks us up, but it IS what will heal you. Too many people shy away from pain after they have an injury. They are afraid to make the injury worse, afraid to go into the pain. Going into the pain IS what relieves the pain. It takes time, it takes awareness and it takes consciousness, but when you can combine all three, success is bound for you.
I wish you all luck exploring who you are. Traverse every inch of yourself. Explore every diameter. See who you are in extension. See you are in depression. It is all here to be observed and understood by you. It takes great effort, but it yields great rewards.
The first couple days were spent not falling into a chasm of depression. I was doing what I could to keep my spirits up. I was not able to walk or bend or straighten my knee at all. By day 3 or 4, however, I noticed that even though I was still nowhere near being able to walk, I was able to practice yoga. My yoga teacher has always said, our yoga, our asana's, are here for us....not us for them. This was the perfect example.
I started practicing every day. I was still not able to bend or straighten my knee more that 30 degrees but there was no way I was going to let it just sit like that. I started working on flexion and extension of the knee every chance I could get. It was not long before I was able to take Virabhadrasana I and II (Warrior pose) with my thigh on a chair. Then I was able to take the chair away and work deeply on the stability within the joint of the knee. I started practicing most standing poses with a chair on either side of me for support. I was also able to practice inversions so I was spending as much time as I could upside down and letting the fluid drain from my leg.
For the past week I have been practicing upwards near 3 hours a day. I am watching TV, a lot of Mets games, but I have turned this into a mini retreat. Two days ago I had my first PT appointment and the PT was amazed at my range of motion. She said she had never seen someone so good only two weeks post ACL tear.
The emotions around such a traumatic injury have been whirling at the least. For the first 4 days I felt like such a failure. "I knew I wasn't supposed to play frisbee that day!" "I never should have even put myself into that situation!" "This wasn't supposed to happen to me!" "Its all a dream, right? I will wake up tomorrow with full functionality." Despite how it may sound, I wasn't beating myself up too badly. I was simply acknowledging and giving space to a feeling I was having. Then, during one of my practices, something changed. I was observing the compensation patterns in my body as a result of the injury and realized that the compensations I am experiencing were only exacerbations of a flaw already in my body. I realized that what I am experiencing is a massive magnification of something that has already been going on. And then I realized that maybe this is OK and wasn't as freak of an incident as it appeared to be.
Patanjali said, "Heyam Dukham Anagatam" which means the pains of the future can and should be avoided. Without really knowing it, that is how I had been practicing for some time. I was not successful, but that's ok. There are many other opportunities and so far I have been very successful with the rehab. I have been video taping and taking notes of all my practices and am gaining a much greater understanding of Knee-hab that I will be able to share with people.
Movement is the key to life. It is often what fucks us up, but it IS what will heal you. Too many people shy away from pain after they have an injury. They are afraid to make the injury worse, afraid to go into the pain. Going into the pain IS what relieves the pain. It takes time, it takes awareness and it takes consciousness, but when you can combine all three, success is bound for you.
I wish you all luck exploring who you are. Traverse every inch of yourself. Explore every diameter. See who you are in extension. See you are in depression. It is all here to be observed and understood by you. It takes great effort, but it yields great rewards.
Sunday, June 9, 2013
A Struggling Practice
Ok, I have something to admit. I have been struggling with my practice for the past 4 months. For the first time in my life......and yes, I really mean that.......I have been opening up the mat and wondering what the F** to do. Its been kind of dis-heartening.
Our path of Yoga is truly the Hero's journey and lately, I've been wondering if I'm suited for it. Maybe my life is going to change and Yoga's really not for me. I really like that sound of that hot tub. Yeah, I'll find peace in there. But no........something doesn't feel right. I love yoga. Love my practice. I have been dedicated to it for 16 years now. It is such a part of who I am. There is no turning back.
But most every time I have gone to the mat over the past 6 weeks especially, I have felt fear. I don't want to feel that, I don't want to feel this! Can't it just be fun and games again?
Our path of yoga is a path of listening. Listening to what we need and what the body tells us. I am certainly grateful for the hot tub....it has done me an incredible service.......But it is going within, seeing what's here and what energies I can play with that really lights me up.
Yesterday, I woke up. It was no ordinary practice. I started with foundation....Utthita Trikonasana, Utthita Parsvakonasana, Ardha Chandrasana.....and ended up doing three different variations of an advanced pose I haven't tried in over 1 year. There was joy in my being, a sense of liberation, a sense of ease.
At some point, we all have to trudge through the sludge. Walk through the swamp weighted down from our thighs. Trusting ourselves, knowing it is a phase, things will change, looking to our support systems and finding our inner reserves......this is what we are here to do......and all of you that walk this path with me, I bow to you, offer my deepest support and compassion. This walk ain't easy, but wow, it is SO worth it.
May you be happy, healthy and harmonized.
Our path of Yoga is truly the Hero's journey and lately, I've been wondering if I'm suited for it. Maybe my life is going to change and Yoga's really not for me. I really like that sound of that hot tub. Yeah, I'll find peace in there. But no........something doesn't feel right. I love yoga. Love my practice. I have been dedicated to it for 16 years now. It is such a part of who I am. There is no turning back.
But most every time I have gone to the mat over the past 6 weeks especially, I have felt fear. I don't want to feel that, I don't want to feel this! Can't it just be fun and games again?
Our path of yoga is a path of listening. Listening to what we need and what the body tells us. I am certainly grateful for the hot tub....it has done me an incredible service.......But it is going within, seeing what's here and what energies I can play with that really lights me up.
Yesterday, I woke up. It was no ordinary practice. I started with foundation....Utthita Trikonasana, Utthita Parsvakonasana, Ardha Chandrasana.....and ended up doing three different variations of an advanced pose I haven't tried in over 1 year. There was joy in my being, a sense of liberation, a sense of ease.
At some point, we all have to trudge through the sludge. Walk through the swamp weighted down from our thighs. Trusting ourselves, knowing it is a phase, things will change, looking to our support systems and finding our inner reserves......this is what we are here to do......and all of you that walk this path with me, I bow to you, offer my deepest support and compassion. This walk ain't easy, but wow, it is SO worth it.
May you be happy, healthy and harmonized.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
The Need For Variety
I have practiced yoga for the better part of 15 years. People ask me if I practice every day and the answer is pretty much yes. But what most people don't know is about 6 years ago, I hit a pretty severe wall, and went about two years without practicing.
The wall came on gradually. It started one day where after I finished practice, I felt significantly worse than I did before I started. For many months this was hit or miss, some days I felt great after, and some days I felt worse. And then the frequency increased, and then it increased again until it reached a place where my practice was becoming detrimental to my life. So, I did the hardest thing possible for a yogi to do.......I let go of my practice. And I did more than that. I started cursing yoga, speaking badly of it, and did my best to just be a "normal" person.
After a couple years away, I gradually came back to the practice......... Scared, skeptical, apprehensive and curious. A couple months in, I read something that was very powerful for me... "If you are not feeling better after your practice, you are doing something wrong!" That really struck a cord. Maybe there was something wrong with my practice. Maybe my vision was great enough. And maybe I can learn and re-open to yoga in a way that it can once again be my most trusted companion.
Why do I say all this today? Because for the last 3 weeks I have been struggling with a sinus infection and have needed to greatly manipulate my practice around that. When you can't breathe and have only a very limited source of energy, you better use the energy you have wisely or pay the consequence later. The last three days I have practiced two very intelligently sequenced ( by Geeta Iyengar) restorative days and today, I did the menstual sequence. Yup, one of the sequences given to women in Iyengar yoga when they are on their cycle. I found it to be a wonderful practice, easy to do, and incredibly restorative and energizing to my kidneys. And, after I was done, I felt great. Like there was no sickness at all and I was full power again. I felt very grateful.
It has been a journey for me, but I have learned how to adapt my practice to my needs of the given day. And, as we all know, each day is different. Some days we are energized, some days we are drained, some days the body hurts, and some days it doesn't. The trick is listening closely and knowing which tool you need to use in a given moment. Constructing this beautiful masterpiece each day is no easy task.
If you're confused on how to start a home practice, don't know what to do, etc, talk to your teacher. We are all here to help. And remember, as Manouso has often imparted, "Your asana's are here to serve you, not you to serve them."
The wall came on gradually. It started one day where after I finished practice, I felt significantly worse than I did before I started. For many months this was hit or miss, some days I felt great after, and some days I felt worse. And then the frequency increased, and then it increased again until it reached a place where my practice was becoming detrimental to my life. So, I did the hardest thing possible for a yogi to do.......I let go of my practice. And I did more than that. I started cursing yoga, speaking badly of it, and did my best to just be a "normal" person.
After a couple years away, I gradually came back to the practice......... Scared, skeptical, apprehensive and curious. A couple months in, I read something that was very powerful for me... "If you are not feeling better after your practice, you are doing something wrong!" That really struck a cord. Maybe there was something wrong with my practice. Maybe my vision was great enough. And maybe I can learn and re-open to yoga in a way that it can once again be my most trusted companion.
Why do I say all this today? Because for the last 3 weeks I have been struggling with a sinus infection and have needed to greatly manipulate my practice around that. When you can't breathe and have only a very limited source of energy, you better use the energy you have wisely or pay the consequence later. The last three days I have practiced two very intelligently sequenced ( by Geeta Iyengar) restorative days and today, I did the menstual sequence. Yup, one of the sequences given to women in Iyengar yoga when they are on their cycle. I found it to be a wonderful practice, easy to do, and incredibly restorative and energizing to my kidneys. And, after I was done, I felt great. Like there was no sickness at all and I was full power again. I felt very grateful.
It has been a journey for me, but I have learned how to adapt my practice to my needs of the given day. And, as we all know, each day is different. Some days we are energized, some days we are drained, some days the body hurts, and some days it doesn't. The trick is listening closely and knowing which tool you need to use in a given moment. Constructing this beautiful masterpiece each day is no easy task.
If you're confused on how to start a home practice, don't know what to do, etc, talk to your teacher. We are all here to help. And remember, as Manouso has often imparted, "Your asana's are here to serve you, not you to serve them."
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